As we approach the last week of preseason and REAL football season begins and people begin to get excited about their teams and trash talking other teams, some rules need to be established. As a Redskins fan I get to watch the best division in football, but also must deal with the best division for trash talk. From top to bottom every team dislikes the other and is an extreme rival unlike most other divisions. So this leads to a lot of talking between the fans. The reason I got unlimited texts a few years ago was MAINLY for text trash talking. I’ve lived in New York and Philadelphia so I’ve learned to be a road trash talker. Everyone has experienced some extreme trash talking, but we’ve got to make rules so things never get personal or get to a level it shouldn’t. I talk trash with the best of them, but they are those who need to understand the rules of the game.

#1 – If you talk before and during the game you must talk after the game win or lose

I have a friend, who will rename nameless, who is a huge Giants fan, and ever since the opening game between the Giants and Redskins was announced this summer we’ve been going at it. So win or lose you have to continue the conversation. If your team loses don’t hide out and not respond. It’s best to take your medicine and get it over with. And your trash talking friends will respect you more for not running and hiding. I will answer the phone and take all the beating that I deserved. Answer your phone take it like a MAN and get it over with. What you going to be scared to answer your phone???

#2 – You can’t talk trash to someone only after the final score. I refuse to talk with the trash talker sniper. You don’t hear from this person the whole week leading up to the game. And even once the game starts you have no communication. But as soon as the game is out of hand or their team wins they’ve got a WHOLE lot to say. Like I said earlier I will take the trash talking but don’t be a scared and only say stuff when the game is over. Real MEN talk the whole game. Any WOMEN can call and say stuff after the game is over.

#3 – If your not a REAL fan don’t talk trash to a REAL fan. -I’m a die hard Redskins fan. The kind that when they lose it messes up my life. Can’t really sleep, probably get into a dumb argument with my girl or at work. It might not be right but hey that’s who I am. I have no problem talking trash with die hard fans of other teams. That way I know they fully understand the suffering we as die hards go through. But the fan who isn’t really into their team need not apply. If you call me to talk trash when your team beats my team that’s fine. But when my team beats your team, please don’t try to claim your not that into your team. Or say something like “I forgot we were playing today.” If your not really into your team, don’t come at me about my team.

#4 – Your team has to be at a certain level to even talk to me.

I will willingly go back and forth with any fan of a credible team. In football that means I will talk to: Pittsburgh, New England, Indianapolis, Dallas, New York Giants, San Fran, Philly, Chicago and Oakland fans. These are teams that have won a lot of Super Bowls or have been consistently good the last couple of years. This came up a while back when a San Diego fan tried to talk trash with me. Usually I follow the policy of if you don’t have at least 2 Super Bowl rings I won’t talk to you. But this guy kept going on and on. So I said how many Super Bowl rings yall Got? He said none. I said well call me when you get 1 and then we can talk. Haven’t heard from that guy again yet. It doesn’t mean I won’t talk trash with you if you’re a fan of another team, but know you’re not getting my best effort.

#5 – With new technologies please check with the Fan your talking trash with

In the older days you could only talk trash in person or over the phone. But now with texts, BBM, Facebook, Twitter and emails there are more ways to get at your counterparts. Before you send your trash talking counterpart hundreds of texts before, during and after a game make sure they have unlimited texts. I know, I know in this day and age who doesn’t have unlimited texts? But be certain, because nothing ruins good trash talking like hearing your friend complains about an excessive phone bill.

#6 – If your not a real fan of the team don’t talk to real fans of the team

Nothing is more annoying than a part-time Redskins fan calling me after a loss and saying something stupid like “at least we only lost by 9.” A loss is a loss and REAL fans go through the same emotions whether it is a 1 point or 30 point loss. But the fan who is even more annoying is the one that pretends to be a fan of your team. It’s like this, I can talk about my family but you can’t. So don’t call me talking about my team and expect me to listen if your not a real part of the family. Say something you’re not supposed to say to someone actually in the family and that could get you into a lot of trouble, especially at the home stadium and after a number of beers. Not a threat, just a warning.

#7 – When In Public respect your surroundings

Since I’ve lived in numerous cities I’ve had to spend a lot of Sunday’s at Sports bars to get a chance to see my Redskins. In these circumstances you may end up trash talking with people who you don’t know. Trash talking with people you don’t know have a tendency to get more personal. Personal is NEVER the way to go, but if it goes that way make sure you know where you are. They’re some places where no matter who you think you are, it’s best to take the loss on the trash talking. I know it can be tough, but remember scoreboard always trumps trash talking.

If you follow these rules it will make the enjoyment of football season so much greater and will make you a trash talk legend like myself. I’ve lived in numerous cities and visited numerous others, so I have a Million Man March list of people I talk trash with. And although we’ve said some bad things to each other, because I follow the above rules I’m still respected and a first ballot Hall of Fame trash talker.