Jags WR Mike Sims-Walker Was Suspended For Breaking Lamps?
According the Florida Times Union Jacksonville Jaguars Wide Receiver Mike Sims-Walker was suspended for last week game against the Seattle Seahawks because he missed a “bed check”. But it is the reason he missed curfew which is interesting. Here is the quote from the Times Union:
Sims-Walker missed bed check Friday night due to a visit with a female friend that went a little long, according to an NFL source.
So in reality Sims-Walker missed his “bed check” because he was playing “Bed Gammon” for a bit too long.
What I have decided to do is get into the mind of Sims-Walker to explain his version of events. So imagine this is Sims-Walker telling a friend what happened.
“So this #noho calls me up and was like I want to see you. It was like 9pm and since I didn’t have bed check until 11pm I figured I could run the #2minutedrill on her and be back in plenty of time. At first she was talking about going to #pfchangs, but I was like naw because I just wanted to #breaklamps before curfew.
We met up at the #laquinta and Shorty came to the door with nothing on but flipflops, so like my homie Robert Littal said DOF 4 LIFE so I downgraded her file, but I still wanted to #breaklamps so I came in.
Shorty was acting real innocent over the phone, but she was bumping Yo Gotti talking about she was a 5 five star chick. Next thing I know she was asking for $250 because she needed to get a #lacefront from #haroldshairshop. Shorty was tripping, but I gave her the $250 and keep it moving.
We start #breakinglamps and the chick turn into #roxyreynolds on me. I am not a #jamarcusrusselldude so I had to represent, so you know I am fading back look for soft spots in your zone, because you know I will #weswelker a chick.
It was a battle, but I scored late to tie the game and I could have went for 2 and the win, but the game was going so well I decided to go into #OT.
That was my mistake because she #milesaustin me and next thing you know it was 1am and I was looking dazed and confused like a #jimzorndude.”
DEFINITIONS:
1- Noho- Female who wants to get something out of somebody
2- 2 Minute Drill- Quick sex session
3- PF Changs- Prefer date restaurant
4- Break Lamps- Having good sex
5- Laquinta- Hotel of choice.
6- DOF- Death of Flip Flops
7- Lacefront- Weave hair for females
8- Harolds Hair Shop- Place to buy your weave
9- 250- Going rate of nohos to break lamps
10- Roxy Reynolds- porn star
11- Jamarcus Russell- Man who accuracy is lacking in the bedroom
12- Wes Welker- Man who finds the “electric” spots in the female body zone.
13- Miles Austin- KO blow during sex
14- Jim Zorn- Dazed and Confused coach
If you follow me on Twitter you already knew what those terms meant, so what are you waiting for.
Haha love it. I hadn't realized the football teams even had bed checks. Still, I'm bummed by it all as Sims totally botched my fantasy team :-
Hmmm… I thought you just got fined 5K for being late to curfew?
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