3 Ways For Tiger Woods To Regain His Pimp Focus: Kat Stacks, Divorce Court & Darth Kobe
Interesting thing about fans — most people assume fans are fiercely loyal, and in some cases that is true. But in reality most people are bandwagon fans, where as soon as something goes wrong they are quick to turn on an athlete, so they can fit in with the majority.
This is what has happened to Tiger Woods. For those in the know, Tiger was never the most likable guy, but because the media portrayed him as one of the “good guys,” the flock of sheep followed along. As soon as Tiger got into some troubled waters and the media turned on him, so did the sheep.
Tiger is very much in the same situation as Kobe Bryant after his Colorado incident; while not as serious, they both crafted this perfect image that in reality wasn’t true. When their glass house was shattered they had problems figuring out how to get their “pimp focus” back on and off the court (or the golf course, in Tiger’s case).
Tiger blew a golden opportunity to win the US Open yesterday and he seemed a bit unnerved on the course, which is unlike Tiger. I don’t think he can focus properly because of all the drama he has had, but that is what I am here for; to fix his problems and have him back winning majors in no time.
1- Sign them Papers
A lot of people laughed when Eddie Murphy dropped this jewel back in 1987 in “RAW” about women talking half your money in a divorce, but there is a lot of truth to it.
No one wants to give up half their cash, especially if you are worth a billion dollars like Tiger, but sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and do what you go to do. Tiger will never be able to focus properly until he literally cuts the ball and chain.
Elin hangs over his head like John Daly’s belly over his belt. The sooner he doesn’t have to answer questions about her, the sooner he can concentrate more on his game. It is going to cost him, but sometimes you either have to pay off the mob or have them set fire to your store. Don’t let Elin burn you, Tiger.
2- Darth Tiger
I always thought the turning point of Kobe Bryant’s transformation was when he basically said:
I am tired of fronting, this is who I am, hate it or love it.
That is when Darth Kobe was born and he has been killing on the court ever since. Tiger’s image will never be the same no matter how hard he tries to make people believe he is the “same old Tiger.” When you are sleeping with porn stars and escorts it is hard to portray the wholesome image.
He should just embrace who he is. He is a man who likes white women, unprotected sex, and beer. If you don’t like that, oh well. He will free his mind if he isn’t always trying to portray something he is not. It was easy to do when everyone believed him, not so much anymore.
3- Kat Stackin
I am going to assume since this has all gone down that Tiger hasn’t been able to “Break Lamps” at his usual pace. He really can’t afford to; if he was caught with a waitress now, his wife would get 75% instead of half. In addition, he has claimed in public to be a changed man and any type of indiscretion would ruin his rep even further.
As a man I can tell you — any long stretches of time when you aren’t “Breaking Lamps” can effect your performance in whatever your chosen career field happens to be. Added to the fact that Tiger appears to have been getting it in on the regular, this “drought” is probably driving him up the wall. I am sure he has had a couple of low level “freaks” come through over the past six months, but if you’ve been eating steak and lobster every day and then you can only have it once every three weeks, that is going to be an issue.
That is why he needs to get this divorce over ASAP and sleep with Kat Stacks.
Who is Kat Stacks, you ask? Attempt to watch this without your ears bleeding:
Why in the world would Tiger want to sleep with her?
A- It takes him to Darth Tiger status.
B- She fits the criteria of female he likes (young, dumb and hoeish).
C- He makes a statement that he really doesn’t care what anyone thinks.
Follow these three steps Tiger and I guarantee Jack Nicklaus’ major record will be crushed by 2013. Trust me.