The Top 7 Kobe Bryant “Stans”

Yesterday we talked about the Top 7 Kobe Bryant “Haters” — in the interest of fairness, today we will bring to you the Top 7 Kobe Bryant “Stans.”

When you are the most polarizing athlete in the world, the battles between Haters and Stans are always epic.

Similar to “haters,” the term “Stan” is overused as well.  Just because you like a particular player doesn’t make you an obsessed fan.

But there are some particular types of behaviors that stand out in “Kobe Stan.” Here are the top 7 types.

1-      The Michael Jordan Comparers

Any time Kobe does anything the first thing that comes out of their mouth is:

“Kobe is right up there with Jordan and I think he is better.”

First, they fail to realize that a true comparison can’t happen until Kobe’s career is over.  Secondly, they fail to realize that Kobe has his own lane and everything he does doesn’t have to be to the Jordan Highway.

They want so badly for Kobe to be better than Jordan that they continually have Jordan in their mouth as oppose to just letting both players’ individual accomplishments stand on their own.

2-      The Overreactors

You know the type; when Kobe makes a difficult layup in the lane, they make it seem like it was the greatest move ever in the history of basketball.

After Kobe posts a triple-double he is Magic; if he pulls 15 rebounds he is Moses Malone.  If he drops 13 dimes, now he is John Stockton.

These are the same “Stans” who were likely to say that Rajon Rondo was best point guard in the league after a few good playoff games.

They have no perspective, they just overreact to everything they see.

3-      Yo Momma Stan

These are “Stans” that when you disagree with them, resort to name calling.

Conversation normally goes like this.

Guy:  Kobe has taken some really bad shots in Game 7, he isn’t playing very well.

You Momma Guy:  Screw you; you are nothing but a hater!  Kobe could buy you and your whole family! Vanessa s**** on any chick you ever been with, punk! You ugly anyway and your momma is on welfare.  You are such a hater.  Eat a ****, ****.

4-      Rose colored glasses Stan

These type of “Stans” conveniently forget a lot of Kobe’s indiscretions both on and off the court.  Regardless of if you think he “raped” the woman in Colorado, there is no mistaking he cheated on his wife 30 minutes after talking to her on the phone.  “Stans” act like that didn’t happen and it was all the girl’s fault.

They ignore that he broke the cardinal rule of not speaking on other players’ indiscretions when he snitched on Shaq to the police.  They don’t want to recognize he was a part of the reason the original Lakers dynasty broke up.  They ignore that he was a horrible teammate for a period of time.  They ignore he was pretty much a terror to coach, to the point that Phil Jackson tried to get him traded.  They ignore that he demanded a trade on more than one occasion.  They ignore that he basically quit in a playoff game against Phoenix.  They ignore his somewhat shaky shot selection.

In their eyes he has done no wrong and can’t be blamed for anything.  You can say their perspective is a bit skewed.  They are living in the Matrix.

5-      Blame the Teammates Stan

There was a period of time that Kobe played with Smush Parker and Kwame Brown.  During those couple of years there was a valid reason to say he didn’t have the proper “team” around him.  But for the most part, throughout his career he has been surrounded with good talent.

Any time he fails though, the “Stans” are quick to bring down the hammer on someone else.  When in reality, if not for the “B” squads, just like every other superstar in the NBA, Kobe would not have multiple rings.


6-      Closet Stan

This type of Stan is the one who stays quiet during the bad times and pops up during the good times to heap praise on Kobe.

You never heard from “Closet Stan” during Games 4 and 5 of the NBA Finals, but mysteriously he/she popped up in Game 6 talking about:

“I told you we got this!!!”

Then for three quarters of Game 7 the Stan disappeared, but when game was over popped up again talking about:

“Just as I predicted Mamba Baby all day every day.”

7-      Basketball Wives

Your standard NBA groupie who is obsessed with Kobe because he is the most well known basketball player on the planet.

Who has been secretly plotting in hotel lobbies and VIP sections for years to have his baby so she can cash that Powerball ticket.

Thinks “The triangle” is a something her 2-year-old son by Antonio Cromartie can draw when he is bored, and was asking when Game 8 would be played after the Lakers won Game 7.

Currently at the BET Awards looking for her opportunity to pounce, might settle for John Wall.

This completes our list of Kobe’s Stans.  If we missed any, let us know.

3 thoughts on “The Top 7 Kobe Bryant “Stans”

  • You forgot the #1 Kobe Stan-The Lebron hater!

    • I get called a lebron hater all the time because I always say Kobe is better than him. I personally think it's funny haha

Comments are closed.