Inside NBA Free Agency: What My Sources Tell Me…

With NBA free agency officially hitting yesterday, the rumor mill is going crazy with all types of predictions, scenarios for sign-and-trades, and will-he-or-won’t-he storylines.  Some sources are solid and give you information that you can confidently accept.  Others, not so much.

Stephen A. Smith kicked off the madness a couple of weeks ago by saying LeBron James was leaning towards signing with the Knicks, but apparently changed his mind a couple of days ago and is now claiming that a LeBron-Bosh-Wade trio is a done deal in Miami.  Not only that, but he’s willing to put everything on it … not sure what everything is but that sounds convincing!

With that being said, Stephen A. isn’t the only one with sources, so I’m going to let you all in on some inside scoops I’ve gotten, but keep it quiet!

My sources tell me that… as part of his contract demands, LeBron James demands that whatever team he signs with officially change their name to the LeBrons and move to Akron.

My sources tell me that… Dwyane Wade is going to shock everyone by retiring and becoming a professional squash player.

My sources tell me that… Chris Bosh is leaning towards signing with the Clippers, because when he becomes the next Jermaine O’Neal he prefers that a team curse is blamed.

My sources tell me that… they are better than Stephen A. Smith’s sources.

My sources tell me that… once LeBron signs with a team he will immediately demand a trade to make sure attention doesn’t shift away from him.

My sources tell me that… Paul Pierce is demanding a clause in his contract that stipulates that he “ain’t goin back to LA” to avoid any embarrassment.

My sources tell me that… by trading for Corey Maggette and signing Drew Gooden, the Bucks are quietly trying to destroy Brandon Jennings career.

My sources tell me that… Richard Jefferson has spent way too much time smoking weed since the Spurs were swept; how else do you explain him opting out?

My sources tell me that… the Nets are going to sign Drake and Kid Cudi to tell LeBron he can have teammates he actually likes.

My sources tell me that… the Knicks are considering moving to Switzerland to avoid any embarrassment if they miss out on the Big Three.

My sources tell me that… Jordan Farmar still actually thinks he can lead a team, and the Knicks are interested in overpaying him to prove he can’t.

My sources tell me that… the Hawks are so intrigued at becoming the first team to be swept out of eight straight second rounds, they felt they had to offer Joe Johnson the max.

My sources tell me that… Dirk Nowitzki isn’t going anywhere, as long as the Mavs sign David Hasselhoff as his personal escort

My sources tell me… Rashard Lewis is still giddy about his contract.

My sources tell me… so is Darko Milicic.

My sources tell me… Drew Gooden, too.

My sources tell me… none of them are as giddy as Jermaine O’Neal still is.

My sources tell me… the Bulls are prepared to hide Michael Jordan’s statue, take down their championship banner, and ban all Jordan apparel from their arena so that LeBron doesn’t feel intimidated at all.

My sources tell me… if the Knicks can’t sign any of their targets, they will spend all of their cap space on Larry Johnson and Grandmama.

My sources tell me… Amar’e Stoudemire is considering signing with the Knicks, but only if they agree to trade for Steve Nash once his numbers drop.

My sources tell me… the Cavs are willing to offer LeBron a minority ownership … in the entire state of Ohio.

My sources tell me… if LeBron leaves, the Cavs back-up plan is to cry themselves to sleep every night, because there is no back-up plan.

My sources tell me… Dwyane Wade will only re-sign with the Heat if they get Charles Barkley off his Fave 5.

My sources tell me… Stephon Marbury is interested in returning to the NBA, his only contract demand is an iPhone 4 and that’s about it.

My sources tell me… LeBron is mad that I haven’t mentioned him enough in this article and that World Wide Wes is telling me I should watch my back.

My sources tell me… it would be wise to mention right now that LeBron is a free agent and you should all care!

My sources tell me… LeBron is considering an offer to play for the Monstars, or they will take all of his basketball skills.

My sources tell me… the Lakers are not concerned with what happens in free agency, because they will still walk away with the best player in the game today.

My sources tell me… don’t believe anything that you read or hear until someone officially signs a contract!

Belal Abdelfattah is BSO’s newest writer and comes from a long background in sports writing at the Sports Authority Blog and The Block Radio. You can follow Belal on Twitter at

22 thoughts on “Inside NBA Free Agency: What My Sources Tell Me…

  • The only funny thing I read is your NAME

  • Unfunny article is unfunny. Please stick to your day job

  • haha you sir are a boss.

  • hahahaha i like! Interesting article.

  • It's funny how Ric Bucher guaranteed that Kobe "has played his last game as a laker" back in '07. Is Stephen A trying to follow in his footsteps or what?

    Realistically I wanna see Bosh go to the Bulls, him and Rose would tear ish up.

Comments are closed.