Some people use Astrology to determine other people’s personalities. I’m a scientist, a Psychologist, I can’t afford to rely on such outdated and unscientific matters. I’ve found that one of the truest ways to map a person’s personality is by what NFL franchise they are a fan of. Recently I’ve noticed that the female football fan has become more prominent in society, but what do we really know about these women? I will commence developing Personality Profiles for the female fan bases of all 32 NFL teams, by Conference, so that the rest of us can know what to expect when a woman says “I love the _____!”
The AFC West is a venerable division, full of old and respected teams. This division has all of its original members from its days as the AFL West in the 1960’s. Therefore its fans are usually die-hard and multi-generational.
The Denver Broncos fan is unusually devoted to her team. Whether male or female, all Broncos fans worship John Elway (with good reason). The female Broncos fan is a salt-of-the-Earth kind of girl, mostly comfortable in jeans and t-shirts. She probably drives a truck, and has been in a fight or two in her life. Chances are this fight was with a Chiefs or Raiders fan (male or female), and involved closed fists and bloodied noses. The female Broncos fan is a polite, well-meaning and plain spoken individual, but never underestimate her or take her lightly.
Kansas City Chiefs
The female Chiefs fan is, on the surface, much like her Broncos counterpart. She is not one for glamor and glitz, but can be very attractive nonetheless. The Chiefs fan wears her heart on her sleeve and is vociferous about her dedication to the Chiefs. No matter how meek her speaking voice can be, she is the loudest person in the room during the “CHIEFS CHIEFS CHIEFS” chant. She also has been in fights, but with more slapping and less punching. The Chiefs fan is a sensuous person, enjoying all manner of food and drink, especially BBQ.
San Diego Chargers
The San Diego Chargers fan is the polar opposite of the Broncos fan. Her devotion is similar, but she displays it in a more carefree Southern Californian way. It would not be surprising to see the Chargers fan get a Powder Blue-and-Gold mani and pedi to match her Philip Rivers jersey. Her hair is always effortlessly perfect, and she has a smile that rivals the sun in light and warmth. Do not take this breezy-San Diego resident for a softy, as she will cheer mightily when her team crushes the opponents QB. Only knowing real success recently, the Chargers fan is giddy about her team and will let anyone know it.
The Oakland Raiders fan is the photo negative of the Chargers fan. If Spider-Man was a Chargers fan, Venom would be a Raiders fan. Rabidly loyal and utterly convinced of her team’s superiority, she loudly proclaims the Raiders past successes while blatantly disregarding their current pathetic status. She is more obsessed with looks than substance (like her team) and her closet is packed with Black and Silver clothes. Of all these fans, the Raiders fan is most likely to have a box-cutter in her purse and should be approached with extreme caution. She always fights dirty.
John Minus is a noted Bon-Vivant and raconteur. He has a podcast called the Alter Negro Sho and can be contacted on twitter: www.twitter.com/DonCoyote