Profiling the Female Football Fan: NFC West Edition

the Hoighty-Toighty division

The female fans of the NFC West are, collectively, some of the most attractive women amongst this select population. Their ardor for their teams is more subdued; you will rarely see them wearing outlandish costumes beyond some tastefully designed face paint. The NFC West did not really make sense until 2002, when all of it’s member teams actually played and existed in the western part of the country (unlike the past when the Saints and Panthers were put in the “West”).

San Francisco 49ers

49ers fans are definitely a different breed than most. San Francisco fans are some of the classiest folks around, possibly because their team used to play in “Candlestick Park”. Quite a difference from a place named, oh, say “War Memorial Stadium”. The female 49ers fan possesses a pronounced sense of arrogance born from knowing that her team had perhaps two of the best QB/WR tandems in NFL history. The Montana/Rice/Young triumvirate is indeed a Holy Trinity to these fans, and they staunchly ignore any mentions of Peyton Manning. They are slowly warming to this “Singletary” fellow, as it seems he may return the team to their winning ways. These women tend to like old things; old money, old wine, and old Super Bowl wins.

Arizona Cardinals

The Cardinals fan is surprisingly relaxed, considering that her team has never won anything of any import. Largely a joke for most of it’s existence, the fans of the Cardinals have learned how to entertain themselves outside of the game. Everything about the desert is beautiful, including the stadium and these women. The recent success of the team has given Cardinal girls a reason to actually enjoy the game, instead of just the party. Passionate about her team, she would definitely rather settle any football grudges over tequila shots rather than trading punches.

St. Louis Rams

The female Rams fan is a nervous wreck. After having a taste of what a good team was with the LA Rams in the 70’s, and with Kurt Warner and “The Greatest Show on Turf”, she became giddy with what winning football could be. Like a drug, she was hooked on the adrenaline highs of 54-50 wins over pretty much any team they played. She knows every type of offensive scheme possible, but struggles to identify what a defensive player looks like. Since the team has been miserable the last few years, the female Rams fan has taken to stress-eating in order to deal with the detox from high-flying, high scoring football as seen here. If you should come across a Rams fan, take the Gooey Butter cake out of her hands, give her a salad, and tell her Sam Bradford is going to be OK.

Seattle Seahawks

The female Seahawks fan has a difficult life. Her team is constantly told that it only gets into the playoffs because the NFC West sucks. They’ve never done anything of import in the history of their franchise besides lose a Super Bowl they should have won, a fact that female 49ers fans never fail to casually bring up. Consequently she has terrible self-esteem and a fragile football ego. She is easily wounded, and harbors a murderous rage towards referees. The female Seahawks fan is a football paradox, preferring “green” everything over standard football fare. She drives a hybrid car and eats sushi at the tailgate! She is incredible devoted to her team, but most other women in Seattle do not understand her at all, because football has nothing to do with Apple or Steve Jobs.

John Minus is a noted Bon-Vivant and raconteur. He has a podcast called the Alter Negro Sho and can be contacted on twitter:

7 thoughts on “Profiling the Female Football Fan: NFC West Edition

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