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I don’t care if Shaq cheated.
I don’t care if Shaq is snitching.
I don’t care if Shaq has goons.
I do care that he learns how to email and text like an adult. Reading these messages are embarrassing. Sports Grid has the latest.
Miami New Times has released some new correspondences. In this batch, we learn that Shaq has the email flirtation skills of a seventh grader, but that this unique brand of electronic poetry somehow works wonders on 5’4 Swedish models. The Swede in question is named Dominica Westling, a “model and actress” who Shaq has reportedly been carrying on with since last year.
Westling: I feel bad we lost contact. Hope you are well. I live in LA now so hit me up if you ever come out there
-dominicaShaq: O my god were r u can i have u bak i miss u to whts yur number pls baby i want u bak do u love me
Dominica: Yes I wanna see you, you know I can never forget about you. My number is [redacted by us]
[Twenty-three days later, Dominica sends Shaq an email with only the subject line “Muuaaahhh” and a photo that, judging by his reaction, didn’t depict a tray of freshly baked cookies.]
Shaq: Where can I cum at when I c u
Dominica: All over me, where do you wanna cum?
Shaq: In u foreva
Dominica: I miss that
Very romantic. The remedial sentence structure is just awful. Shaq did go to college, how did he make it through three years of LSU writing like this.
Someone please call Ms. Krabappel to help him out.