Nubag Wants to Give You a Sack of Money
This post is brought to you by Nubag. All Opinions are 100% mine. Read to find out how you can win $250 from Nubag.
Face it, unless you are Lil’ Jon and the East Side Boyz, “sweat runs down my balls” is not a pleasant experience. If you work out, shoot hoops or if you live in a place as hot as Miami like I do, just walking out your front door causes you to sweat. We wouldn’t think of leaving the house without a little deodorant on, but we seldom take care of our most important area.
Guys, you know what I am talking about. For the sake of decency, let’s call them your Lil’ Jon and your East Side Boyz.
With that in mind, a South Florida based cosmetics company has launched a new product to help counteract the effects of smellicrotchitis. That product is Nübag (also written as Nubag), the all natural male refreshing spray for your family jewels.
And yes, the “Bag” in the name refers to your manbag.
When I first heard this product being promoted on the radio, I thought it had to be a prank they were pulling on the host, who has a history of reading anything they put in front of him. This had to be a joke along the lines of “Stop by your favorite store and be sure to get your Dicken’s Cider.”
Out of curiosity, I went to the website they advertised Nubag.tv fully expecting it to be a “gotcha” site that the radio show had set up. To my surprise it seemed to be a legit product. (As legit as ball spray gets).
The website touts the product as “a revolutionary men’s freshening spray formulated to kill bacteria and odors in male intimate areas. Men often perspire more frequently than women, especially in the area of genitalia.” And sells “Fresh Balls for $9.97”
Also, on the site you meet Nubag’s spokesperson, Mr. Nubag, a short stocky character with a teardrop shaped head and a fuzzy cleft chin. You quickly realize that it’s a teardrop with balls.
Armed with this information, I did like most people would do in this situation and took to Twitter and Facebook to mock the product. It was then that @mrnubag himself contacted me, telling me that I should try the product. I explained that I wrote for this site, and that is how we got here.
The thing I quickly realized is that these guys get the joke. The reason it is spelled Nü and not New is because the umlaut over the u looks like a pair of testicles.
They understand that the product is going to be mocked and the name is going to be made fun of. But Mr. Nubag has a thick (albeit wrinkly) skin, and can take any punishment. Most of Mr. Nubag’s tweets revolve around stories involving balls, sacks and other scrotum related euphemisms. Do you know Mr. Nubag’s favorite city in the United States?
They also want to hear stories about a time Nubag could have saved you from an embarrassing situation. And get this, they will even give you a sack of money (at least $250) if your story is chosen as the Sad Sack of the Month. Since the product is just getting off the ground, they don’t have a lot of traffic so your odds of winning now are doubled, you just have to have the balls to submit.
Even though I am pretty sure that they would be OK if all their sales came from people buying it as a gag gift for a friend, they still sell it as a serious product and believe it can help you if you legitimately have issues with crotch odor. It is not a cure for hyperhidrosis, but it will get you smelling fresher down there in a pinch.
Think about it, we all have that one friend whose gym shorts smell like roadkill baking in the hot sun. As he backs us down in the paint playing basketball, you almost have to let him take it to the hole because the stench is unbearable. What better way to say “I let you take it to the hole, but your girlfriend wont ” than a bottle of Nubag. And for under ten bucks, it’s not costing you much.
Now I would say I am putting my money where my mouth is, but that not be the best cliché to use with this product. So I much rather say I’m going to man up and try their product out. Look for a follow up piece in a few weeks on the efficiency of Nubag on my piece.
Until then, the balls are in your court.