Murderer Asks Jury to Find Him Guilty Quickly So He Doesn’t Miss Monday Night Football

Why exactly are they having a trial?

Nathan Burris murdered his Ex-Girlfriend and her new boyfriend with a shotgun. Has been trying to plead guilty the whole time, but the courts won’t allow it.

During cross examination according to Deadspin he not only admitted to the crime, but wanted the proceedings to end quickly so he could get back to his cell in time to watch the Eagles vs. Saints on Monday Night Football.

Here are a few of his quotes while on the witness stand.

“I did it, so what?” said Nathan Burris, 49, who is representing himself in his capital trial in Contra Costa County Superior Court in Martinez. “No remorse, no regrets, no mercy. … You want me to draw it out in crayon?”

“This isn’t Sesame Street,” Burris said, referring to the jury. “They get it, bro.”

“I’m still alive, they’re not, and that’s all that matters,” he said in court. “I’m ready to roll on down the road.”

He said he wasn’t “going to be up here crying about what happened three years ago.” Turning to the jury, he said, “You might be disgusted, but it is what it is.”

Nothing like describing a double murder as “it is what it is”.

Burris is facing the death penalty if found guilty, I am pretty certain that will be the verdict.