NO, MEANS, NO
It is what of the first things that you are taught as a man. Woman says no, you walk away, you stop what you doing and that is the end of it.
You are normally taught this in your teenage years when you’re just learning about and often time experiencing your first sexual encounters.
It is a simple concept, that easily can be followed, but one thing they don’t teach you is what happens when there is a maybe?
When I was a student at The Ohio State University I stayed in a dorm that was co-ed. There was a lot of drinking, drugs and sex going on (sometimes all at the same time). There were times that multiple individuals were having sex with the same person. I am sure this isn’t an uncommon occurrence in Universities all over the world. I saw things in retrospect that I am not sure even to this day were assault or consensual.
I was the same age as Jameis, 19 years old, I had enough sense at the time not to chance it, but many of my friends didn’t share my caution. Did that make them rapists? 15 years later I still don’t know. I had female friends who would wake up the next morning after a night of partying and ask me…
“Rob, what happened last night? Did I do anything dumb?”
They simply had no recollection of the events and often times when informed of some of their actions they deeply regretted it.
Who is at fault in those situations? Where does the responsibility lie? Is this rape? I asked a friend who slept with an extremely intoxicated woman once, did he feel badly about it. His answer was simply, “she came on to me, she didn’t say no, so what do I have to feel badly about if she hates herself in the morning?”
Rape is a vile crime, often times the victim is blamed and ostracized. It causes other women to hesitate in coming forward and that is truly a sad thing.
But, there are other times like what happened with the Oakland Basketball players that a woman isn’t rape, but is so embarrassed by her actions she wrongly accuses someone and taints their name and reputation. Or in the extreme case of Brian Banks you are sent to prison for a crime you didn’t commit.
No one knows for sure what happened with Jameis Winston and the woman who accused him of rape. It is possible they both believe their stories are true. The woman’s recollection of events is cloudy; Winston did have sex with her. I can see where Winston thinks he didn’t do anything wrong and the woman believes she was raped. In the end, because of that Winston wasn’t charged and he should be presumed innocent.
If you read the entire 86 page police report, you can see why these cases are very difficult to prosecute.
For men, don’t even take the chance. If there is anything suggesting a woman isn’t in her sound mind, it is best to walk away. It isn’t worth losing your freedom and reputation over. In retrospect, I am sure Jameis would tell you he wishes he just didn’t do anything at all. Knowing what he knows now, I hope in the future he understands that the risk isn’t worth the momentary sexual satisfaction.
For women, there is no justification for anyone sexually assaulting you regardless of the physical condition you are in. But, for your own safety, be aware of your surroundings, who you are with, the amount of alcohol you are drinking or any drugs you are taking. Jameis’ accuser could have been raped and I will not call her a liar, but the fact she can’t remember exactly what happens makes it difficult to send someone to jail on a “maybe”.
In the end if a man rapes a woman he should go to jail, if a female falsely accuses a man of raping her she should be in jail as well. Women don’t be afraid to come forward and Men be smart enough to know when to back away.