The photo above that was the first article I’ve ever wrote for BSO. Every once in a while when I am being nostalgic I’ll go back in read it, like I did today. I always smile because people who have found BSO throughout the years assume I’ve turned into some completely different person over the past ten years, when in reality I am pretty much the same guy who wrote this letter to Duncan in 2005 saying……..
Speaking of women, we need to talk about wifey. I know what you thinking; I am going to trip because she is white. You don’t know me that well Tim, I could care less that she is white. I am tripping, though, because she is not that attractive. She looks like Michael Jackson’s ex and I am not talking about Lisa Marie. If you going to get a white girl, at least make sure she is a looker like Tiger Woods who married a Swedish nanny who posed nude. This is the type of forward thinking we need Tim. Get in contact with Magic Johnson he can tell you where all the good white women are at. Just make sure not to get them pregnant, wear protection, and stay away from Colorado hotels and you should be cool.
The irony is eventually Tim took my advice, divorced his wife and upgraded his lady. In the grand scheme of things, 10 years is not a long time, it goes faster than you think, but then you look back at what was going then and what is going on now and you are like WOW, things have changed.
I have this recurring dream. I wouldn’t call it a nightmare cause the boogie man isn’t coming to get me and I not waking up in cold sweats. However, I have this dream a couple times a week.
I am sound asleep, and then there is a loud banging at my door.
BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!!
When I get to the door, it is the sheriff with a three day notice of eviction. After he gives me the notice, I always wake up, and it takes a second for me to realize it wasn’t real. I assume the reason I have the dream is because well…….it happened to me in real life. It is hard to explain to people how difficult it is to sleep when you know at any time someone can be coming to kick you out or take your car or turn off your lights. That was my situation ten years ago.
Mid 20s, newborn daughter, no job, no money and not a lot of hope. I have a college degree as most of you know from THE Ohio State University and my advice to anyone in college right now is to realize the degree doesn’t mean anything if you don’t prepare yourself for life after college while you are in college.
When you have been told since you were a little kid you were the special one, the one who would make it out of the hood, the one would make your family proud, and you have to sell Tupac Mix CDs on EBay just so your daughter can have Christmas gifts, it can mess with your head a little bit.
Most of you know how BSO came about. I am chilling on a porn message board talking about the Vikings and Packers wild card game and Joe Buck losing his mind over Randy Moss’ mooning. A guy says he wishes there was a site ran by a black person to call out the Joe Bucks of the world. A light goes off in my head, and BSO is born on my birthday January 6th.
What a lot of you don’t know is that it’s a great origin story, but for 4 more years my life was a living hell.
Throughout my mid-late 20s, BSO made no money; ZERO dollars. I wouldn’t say I had a run of bad luck, because most of my problems were self inflicted wounds. Getting fired from jobs (I could write a book on the various ways I got fired), being kicked out of multiple apartments, not one, but two cars repossessed, $1000s in tickets for bad tags (leading to my one day in jail), garnishments, IRS troubles, overdrafted accounts and probably a bunch of other stuff I can’t even remember at this point. I checked my credit reported recently and had a $20 collection for pizza (I paid them the money), because I had to write bad checks just to eat. So, things weren’t exactly going swimmingly as the new decade was upon us.
So as I was staring at my 30s I was keenly aware one or two things were going to happen. Either I was destine to be an utter and complete failure or I was going to grow up, start taking some accountability and make something out of my life.
A combination of dumb luck, technology and the one thing am I good at (communicating in a creative way) thankfully made the latter take place.
In the last six years, I’ve slowly, but surely, dug myself out of pretty deep hole. In the process of doing that I’ve tried to make sure that others don’t fall into one. But, the paranoia never leaves. No matter how popular the site has become or how much money I’ve made (it isn’t a lot, settle down), I never feel completely comfortable. I always feel that someone is going to be banging on that door. It is an uneasy feeling that is very hard to shake and maybe I never will. That is probably why even though I don’t have to, I still work an insanely amount of hours.
In the 10 years at BSO we have accomplishment a lot, and I say we because I feel like everyone has been a part of this.
I always had two big fears before I started BSO:
1- That my daughter couldn’t brag about what her father did to her friends.
2- I wouldn’t have any good stories to tell when I was an old man cause I didn’t do anything interesting with my life.
The great thing about this last ten years is all the people I’ve met, all the places I’ve been, all the things I got to see in person and all the times I got to hear people say BSO or BlackSportsOnline. Even if it doesn’t have to do with me directly, it makes me proud when I see the people I’ve helped or mentored do great things as well.
There is a Jay Z line where he is talking about how great his life is, and he says, “I did joints with Mary J. Blige, my nigga.” That is how I feel at times. I took something, built it from scratch and got to live a dream. Just a few days ago, I got to see my alma mater beat Alabama at the Sugar Bowl as a member of the media. I mean how cool is that? How cool is it to be able to go to Dallas and see them play for National Championship? Deep down like most journalists, I am fan. Not a fan of a particular team, but a fan of sports. I love sports, and get to live out every fan’s dream in covering them.
The person who wrote that Tim Duncan 10 years ago is still inside me, but I am not a kid anymore. I was young, arrogant, headstrong, no filter and ready to take on the world. I was also pretty dumb and made more mistakes than I like to count. My little girl isn’t that little anymore (she turns 11 in February). I was in my 20s when I started. Now, I am closer to 40 now, and I take a lot of pictures of my dog. I am not sure what “On Fleek” is, but I hear it a lot and it just confirms my youth is gone.
Whatever is the opposite of turnt up is, that is me. I got in the game because I felt young black voices needed to be heard in sports media, especially online. I had no idea what online media would turn into, but I am proud to still be around. I would say around the middle of 2014 something starting happening to me that had never happened before. For the first time ever I didn’t find myself being excited covering an event, and I also found my focus being a little off in regard to posting. I’ve posted a story (normally 10+ stories) every day for the last 6 years, except for 6 random days throughout that time. For those who want to do the math ,I have worked 2184 out of the last 2190 days.
So, what does this all mean?
What I’ve learned is the Robert Littal has never been the star. BSO is the star. I am just the Maestro (Seinfeld reference). What it is time for me to do is allow others who are far more talented than I, opportunities to shine. What I am going to do is open things up for all individuals who want big break in media but just didn’t know how to get started. You will see more writers, more topics and more stories.
We have expanded outside of the world of sports, so while it will always be a sports driven site, you will see more things that I know interests you. The same way I never felt limited by being black, I don’t feel we should be limited just to sports. I know that bothers some people, but like most things in life there is a double standard when you are black (even from black people). I’ve come to accept that. What I do and what a white owned site does can be exactly the same. However, I will always be judged harsher, but this is an industry where if you have thin skin you won’t survive.
I was in the process of writing this when Stuart Scott passed away, and what you hear from everyone when they talked about Stu and what he told me once is it is ok to just be yourself. You don’t have to change who you are for anyone. If people don’t like you for who you are or what you do, that has nothing to do with you. That is on them. Stuart Scott’s exact quote was:
“Can I really be concerned about with what other people think of about me, who don’t know me?”
When you see what Stuart Scott went through these last few years but how he maintained his positive outlook on life, you realize you really have no reason to complain about what someone sitting behind a computer 1000s miles away from you has to say. You learn to appreciate those who have supported and been there for you through good and bad times.
What does this all mean for me? That is a good question, one that I have wrestled with for the last six months or so, but I think I have come to a happy conclusion.
I will take on a more editorial role and finding unique stories that I know you will enjoy (Meet Me in Temecula!!). I am not leaving or retiring by any means, but actually watching Kobe made me realize something.
At a certain point you just can’t carry the load like you could when you were in your 20s, so after 10 years it is time for me to pass the ball and cut down my minutes. It is time for me to do some things I want to do (Wrestlemania here I come!!). Speaking of WWE, I was watching a documentary on Paul Heyman on the WWE Network (only $9.99 if you didn’t know), and he was talking about getting old. He said that most people think getting old helps you because you know what not to do from your experiences. That is true. Then, he said something that I think I’ll remember forever. He said getting old is also the biggest inhibitor of innovation because you know what not to do. Think about what he is saying. As we get older, we don’t take as many chances because of our past experiences makes us cautious, but young people who don’t know any better just jump in headfirst. A lot of time that is how the next great thing happens, when you have no fear to fail. I use to regret a lot of the mistakes I made, but listening to Heyman made me realize it was those mistakes that have gotten me to this point today.
I jumped into that ocean head first 10 years ago and I almost drowned. Ten years later I am sitting pretty on a beach, and I am loving the view.
Happy Birthday to Me & BlackSportsOnline.
