Another week on the build towards TLC, and another less than exciting Monday Night Raw. Let’s take a look at what went down on the final Raw before Sunday’s pay-per-view.
Chaos, Chaos Everywhere
We kick things off with the League of Nations in the ring and Sheamus cutting a promo that puts us all to sleep. He rambles on about Roman Reigns as I struggle to keep my eyes open and then….
The Wyatt Family is here to save us. See a feud with the LoN is something I’d like, a feud with the Dudleyz and their ECW friends is not.
Bray says the LoN came to talk, the Wyatt Family came for chaos. All eight guys get ready for battle when… ugh it’s the Dudleyz and Tommy Dreamer. Listen WWE, if you can’t get us interested in the Dudleyz while they feud with the New Day, you can’t get us interested in them ever. Never ever.
Anyways the Dudleys came out and talked about extreme chaos or something before introducing their fourth member who will even things up…
…Rhyno.
MORE OLD WRESTLERS!
And just to make sure all of the four-man stables are here, the Family (Reigns, Ambrose, Usos) comes out through the crowd for a.. YEP YOU GUESSED IT! A 16-MAN ELIMINATION MATCH!
Okay let’s cut to the chase here because seriously, SIXTEEN MAN ELIMINATION MATCH. Unfortunately for all of us, just one man being pinned eliminates a whole team. There were some cool spots though, like this one where Strong Throwman just takes out four guys like it was nothing.
The Wyatt Family went out first because Rowan was pinned by Tommy Dreamer. No seriously, this really happened.
Next was the ECW squad taken out by a Brogue Kick and then, yeah you know how this one ends.
Roman Reigns pins the Champ to stand tall… with two and a half hours left in the show. So yeah, we’ll be revisiting this feud all night.
Backstage Sheamus promises to teach Reigns a lesson and yeah like I said, all night.
Again backstage, Reigns promises to ALSO teach Sheamus a lesson.
So our final segment of the night has Reigns in the ring surrounded by tables, ladders and chairs so you see exactly where this is going.
Reigns calls out Sheamus and talks about being in the awesome TLC match between the Shield and Team Hell No in 2012 and then climbs the ladder because he wants us to see him literally climb the ladder of success in WWE you guys. Reigns then promises he isn’t leaving the ring until Sheamus comes out and is destroyed with all the weapons.
Cue Sheamus who comes out and cuts another boring promo that turns into a boring shouting match between the two that leads to Reigns calling Sheamus tater tots. The only good thing about all this? A ‘TA-TER TOTS!’ chant from the crowd of course and that should tell you everything you need to know about WWE television and Roman Reigns promos.
Reigns then starts throwing things like ladders at Sheamus as a way of enticing him to get into the ring which seems kind of counterproductive but what do I know?
After literally 47 minutes of banter between the two they finally fight around the ring using all the weapons. Sheamus tosses Reigns over the announce table and then SUPER REIGNS INITIATES.
Reigns jumps over the table and spears Sheamus through some tables ringside because obviously.
Reigns stands tall and we head into TLC caring about two matches, neither of which is the main event so yeah. Tune in for Ambrose-Owens and the tag ladder match, and try to stay awake for the rest of the card that got double the screen time.
Other Results –
Oh Yeah Forgot About Owens-Ambrose – Despite the fact that Dean Ambrose has been Roman Reigns little buddy the last couple of weeks, he’s also in a feud with Kevin Owens that should have an awesome match but has had the exact opposite of awesome for a build-up. Owens beats Ziggler in a pretty good match before Ambrose comes out and confronts him… with popcorn and soda.
Seriously, this will probably be the match of the night on Sunday and it’s had the worst build up ever. Would anyone be surprised if WWE tried to use the popcorn/soda to make this a Condiments Match or something? Ugh.
<3 Team B.A.D. + New Day Forever <3 – So Sasha Baenks (see what I did there?) and Naomi picked up a win over Alicia Fox and Brie Bella but what’s really important is what happened after the match. The New Day came out with UNICORN HORNS FOR EVERYONE. They all dance in the middle of the ring and celebrate together.
I’m so conflicted here. On one hand, Sasha dancing! On the other hand… Sasha dancing.
If the only way for the best Diva in the company to get over is by twerking then we’re all doomed, even if it means we get to enjoy the GIFs.
New Day sticks around after and takes the L against the Lucha Dragons because the ‘good guy’ Usos double-teamed ‘bad guy’ Xavier Woods ringside causing a distraction.
Whatever with this booking man.
Miz Tries to Recruit Neville – We see Miz backstage and he’s trying to recruit Neville promising to make him the next Daniel Bryan and there’s legitimately nothing I’d like to see less than Miz involved in a Neville storyline. Neville is an amazing talent and awesome in the ring, JUST LET THE MAN WRESTLE.
Charlotte Kinda Turns Heel – Charlotte comes out for MizTV and it’s as bad as you imagine it would be. Anyways she brings her dad and they put each other over before Miz talks about how Charlotte changed and then she tells him to shut up and starts acting like a heel which makes sense because nobody likes her. Charlotte says Paige is below her before Paige shows up and tries to fight. Charlotte leaves the ring and Paige slaps Ric before doing the Flair Strut.
Ric tells Charlotte to get Paige so she does and then Paige gets out of the ring like a heel so I think we just had a double-turn but I’m not entirely sure.
Ryback/Rusev Replay – So remember last week when these guys had a double count-out because Ryback accidentally hit Lana? Yup same thing again except this time Rusev puts Ryback in the Accolade on the outside til they both get counted out. WHATEVER. The interesting thing though was that Ryback hit an over the top rope move. That’s right. Ryback. Over the top rope.
Does anyone else hear Ryback yelling ‘360!’ in their head every time that GIF replays? No just me? Okay moving on.
CHAIRS AND SCREAMING EVERYWHERE – Jack Swagger had a match with Stardust that was interrupted by Alberto Del Rio and Zeb Coulter. Don’t worry, despite the distraction Swagger made Stardust tap because WWE can’t have anyone respecting Cody Rhodes. Del Rio then comes out and kills everyone with a chair before Swagger gets a chair and knocks it out of Del Rio’s hand then yells at Zeb Coulter who has the greatest response ever.
Roll on Zeb. Roll on.
Strong Throwman Beats Tommy Dreamer – Seriously, that’s all you need to know.