Matt Kalil is taking legal action after ex-wife Haley Kalil’s “two coke cans” comments.
File this one under things no one expected to read in a lawsuit. Former NFL offensive tackle Matt Kalil is reportedly suing his ex-wife, model Haley Kalil, over claims that her marriage ended because of his, well, “two coke cans” manhood. Yes. We have reached this point in pop culture.
According to reports, Matt is not amused at all. The lawsuit allegedly centers on comments Haley made suggesting that Matt’s “big manhood” contributed to the failure of their marriage. Not money, not fame, not schedules and personality. Just anatomy.
TMZ Sports obtained the docs filed on Tuesday … in which the former Carolina Panther says Haley’s “invasive commentary” ruined his attempt at keeping out of the public eye after retiring from football.
In the lawsuit, Kalil says it all stems from Haley’s appearance on popular streamer Marlon Garcia’s “Mar-Athon” video in November 2025. In the clip, Kalil says Haley “implied that the size of Plaintiff’s genitalia was a primary factor in the parties’ divorce and claimed that sexual intercourse with Plaintiff would leave her ‘in tears.'”
In that stream … she described it as “two coke cans, maybe even a third” and said it contributed to them going their separate ways. As we previously reported, Haley filed for divorce in 2022.
Matt Kalil is definitely hurt by those ridiculous comments and he isn’t kidding around with the lawsuit.
Matt claims that because of those remarks on the stream, he has been subjected to “unwanted attention and invasive commentary from the public.” On top of that … he claims his family members “have been forced to endure the ongoing public circulation of these degrading and deeply personal statements.”
As a result of the viral clip, Kalil says his new wife received messages that became “increasingly frequent, disturbing, and alarming in nature over time.”
Matt claims … while his family was left to deal with the crap storm Haley started … she has been able to “financially benefit from this surge in traffic.”
The 36-year-old is suing for invasion of privacy, as it disclosed “highly intimate and private facts regarding Plaintiff’s physical person and sexual life” … as well as unjust enrichment, saying Haley “received substantial financial benefit, increased viewership, increased engagement, and monetization through various social media platforms and media coverage.”
He’s now requesting a jury trial and damages “on all causes asserted in the complaint,” with the amount exceeding $75,000.
And this is what Haley had to say about Matt Kalil dragging her to the court over her reckless comments.
Haley tells TMZ Sports she’s “genuinely shocked and incredibly hurt” by the lawsuit.
“Litigation is a harrowing and emotionally draining experience, and I am heartbroken that he is choosing to subject us and our families to this ordeal,” she said.
While Haley didn’t address the comments in question, she pointed out six other times in the conversation with Marlon where she spoke highly of her ex, even referring to him as the “greatest guy in the world” at one point.
At the end of the day, this story is less about anatomy and more about boundaries. Matt seems to be saying private life should stay private. Haley seems to live in a world where content is content.
One thing is certain. This may be the first time in history a divorce headline made people say, “Wow, that’s a lot to unpack,” and mean it very literally.
Stay with BSO! The lawyers are clocked in. The internet is seated. And the jokes probably aren’t stopping anytime soon.
