July 1, the first day of free agency, has been an extremely busy day for the NBA. It started at 12 midnight (est) with play-by-play of who’s meeting who, when and where. A few big name have signed with thier new teams and other are linked to being close to deals. With all these moves happening so quickly, unofficial GM LeBron James is fed up and is speaking his mind. LeBron’s letter of demands (spoof) for Owner Dan Gilbert has been released.
1. From now on, Coach Blatt gotta pose all of his play calls in the form of a question. And every time he calls us “fellas” we get pizza.
2. Shump is no longer allowed to go more than three days without getting his top leveled. By Game 5 dude looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
3. Obama gotta address J.R.’s shot selection.
4. We’re calling Perkins “Sweet Cakes” from now on. Or “Delicious Sweet Cakes.” I like that.*
* Make jersey with “Cakes” on back.
5. Brian Windows gotta put on a jingle collar or something before entering the locker room. Canary-face-having, Hardy-Boy-lunchbox-owning…He think he slick.
6. Varejao gotta be the lead in Magic Mike 3.
7. Y’all need to buy Delly a bigger travel crate for away games. I know he gets cooped up in there.
8. We need to start using Shawn Marion more. Like as an ottoman or a coat rack or something.
9. Y’all need stop being lazy and make sure you dust both sides of Brendan Haywood when you clean the Q.
10. Send Dwyane Wade an Edible Arrangement. Chocolate covered pineapple for days, DG.
Although this is a spoof, some of these demands actually are pretty reasonable. I don’t think LeBron is asking too much for Shumpert to get his flat top leveled off every 3 days. Then on the other hand expecting President Obama to address J.R.’s shot selection might be tough. I’m sure Obama is busy dealing with more important things.
HT: BleacherReport