Tonight the Raw comes to us from the All-State Arena in Chicago. The WWE is partnering up with the Susan G Komen foundation for the third straight year for breast cancer awareness month. That means the WWE is going pink for the next month to raise awareness. Anyway, being in Chi-Town there will inevitably be a bevy of “CM Punk” chants. The WWE knows this and tries to work around these chants but the longer we go CM Punk-less the more I feel these chants will fade. Of course the show kicks off with the Authority coming out the ring. Here comes the “CM Punk” chants. Stephanie takes a dig and asks why the fans cheer for quitters. Ooooh. Take that CM Punk.
Yea that burns so good doesn’t it Mr Brooks? The fans are quitters, that’s why they cheer for quitters. You either quit or steal #Segueway. The Authority begins to go after Ambrose and his stealing of the Money in the Bank briefcase from Seth Rollins. Cue Paul Heyman who comes out to confront the Authority. He is alone tonight as Brock is home in chill mode. Way to go WWE, no need to spend those big bucks to book Lesnar for Raw.
Heyman is expressing his client, Brock Lesnar’s issues with Seth Rollins who attempted to cash in his Money in the Bank case at Night of Champions. Does Lesnar have a problem he has to deal with in Seth Rollins? Stephanie cuts him off angry that Heyman is threatening the Authority. This brings out the man of the hour, Seth Rollins. Mr Money in the Bank sets it straight that no one in the Authority ordered him to go out there and cash in on Lesnar. The decision was his to Curb-Stomp Lesnar and attempt a cash in. Rollins says he wanted to take an opportunity and beat the best, Brock Lesnar. Uh oh, more “CM Punk” chants. Rollins does the right thing and apologizes to Lesnar and Heyman with a hand shake to seal the deal. Heyman compliments Rollins on his power play attempt but makes it known if it happens again, Lesnar will be dealing with it directly.
I think this sets up a nice dynamic once Lesnar comes back. It will be interesting to see some interaction between Lesnar and Seth in a back stage segment or in ring. I can see Lesnar trying to force Rollins to cash in his shot and bully him into a not-so-ideal situation.
Heyman goes to leave but Triple H stops him and gets in Heyman’s face. Triple H thanks him for the conversation and wishes him a nice night. Ok, not sure what that was about. Anyway, back to the show as Rollins wants his briefcase back from Ambrose, threatening him with something worse than the cinder block incident. Ambrose appears on the big screen taunting Rollins and the Authority to come get the briefcase if they want it so bad. The Authority get out of the ring and start up the ramp but out comes John Cena who goes at Rollins. Rollins ends up escaping the wrath of the Cenation by escaping through the crowd.
When we come from commercial break the Authority is with Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble. Triple H sends them to retrieve the briefcase from Ambrose. They ask for some sledgehammers and Triple H says no
Intercontinental Title Match: Dolph Ziggler vs Miz vs Cesaro
Fun match that went back and forth but any match with Cesaro in it is automatically going to be at least three stars.
This happened, but also this happened.
Which is the classic, catapulted head into groin technique. Bam. Anyway the match ended when Miz hobbled to the top rope, because when you have an injured leg from the punishment you took in the match the smart thing for you to do is to climb high into the air and jump. Miz got caught with a Cesaro Euro Uppercut. Ziggler then superkicked Cesaro and covered Miz. Ziggler retains.
Back to Noble and Mercury going through the backstage area looking for Ambrose. I swear you squint and it’s like True Detective. These two go through the Rosebuds and hooray, a Big E sighting. Then they go to the Great Khali who mumbles his way through a short joke. Both men exactly nipple high to the Great Khali, which is disturbing for me to even type into words.
A Bray Wyatt/Luke Harper vignette plays, with Bray talking to Harper and seemingly setting him free. Looks like Harper is going into singles competition. Happy to hear it, Harper has done some good stuff and I think he will flourish whether with Bray or on his own. Will be interesting to see how he’s used.
Back to the Authority and Noble and Mercury, or Crockett and Tubbs I really can’t tell it’s uncanny. Noble and Mercury can’t find Ambrose but Stephanie points out a glob of mustard on Noble’s mouth and asks if he stopped to eat a hamburger or hot dog. Aha. Go find Ambrose or lose your jobs says Queen Stephanie.
Miz and Mizdow come in with Mizdow doing all the talking as if he were Miz. I swear, if someone wrote this gimmick on paper I would laugh and call them fools but Sandow is really taking it and running. Funny stuff. Triple H laughs and then threatens the Miz that if he ever barks orders at him again, he’ll send his “Straight-to-DVD” movie career to the unemployment line.
Layla vs Rosa Mendez
Layla had Summer in her corner and Rosa had Natty and Tyson Kidd in hers. They showed us some Tyson and Natty clips from Total Divas showing a rift between the couple. Tyson is rocking some Beats headphones and playing on his phone the whole match oblivious to when Natty and Summer got into it.
Layla hits her Layout neckbreaker finisher and wins the match because Total Divas don’t need wins.
Ambrose comes to the ring next with the MitB briefcase. Ambrose says Noble and Mercuty walked right by him at the concession stand eating hot dogs. Ambrose empties a bag out of WWE merchandise he stole from the stands and offered them for bidding of $1. Ambrose offered a Sheamus shirt for a quarter. Zinger. Noble and Mercury comes out and in classic Dean Ambrose he says, “Uh-oh, they sent the cruiserweight division out to get me.” This guy is just gold on that microphone. Noble and Mercury run to the back as Ambrose runs around throwing merchandise into the crowd. Rollins comes out with security along with Noble and Mercury to get his briefcase. Ambrose leaves it on the table in the ring and let’s him have it. Rollins opens the case and gets covered in some green gunk. I don’t know if it was double dare or the Great Muta.
Seth was livid backstage and Triple H made a match with Orton and Kane vs Cena and Ambrose. Orton objected and Triple H said that Rollins couldn’t compete. Why? Cause he got a slimer facial? Then a vibrating sound was heard and they all asked whose phone that was then look over at the Money in the Bank briefcase sitting on the table vibrating. Seth grabs it and says it is his electric razor.
Oh, is this some kind of vibrating dildo reference? Well, if it was bravo on the risque stuff. JBL threw in a “He’s got a beard” in almost perfect timing.
Mark Henry vs Bo Dallas
Mark Henry came out and started to apologize to the people for all his failing America and stuff. Bo Dallas interrupts and says he should be apologizing to himself. All he has to do is close the Hall of Pain and join the Hall of the Bolievers. Hmmm, that doesn’t go together but oh well. Bo Dallas is growing on me. after first coming out and rubbing in his face his failure. Bo Dallas end up winning the match clean with a Bodog.
We came back from break where Bo Dallas was talking to Rene Young when Mark Henry attacks. It’s the thing good guys do when they feel foolish, attack people in the back. Next came a Stardust and Goldust promo about the cosmic key and all around bizarre stuff, as per the usual with these two. Next comes out Brie to that horrible new song. It’s like stabbing my ears with Brie. Out comes Nikki now to berate her quitter sister. Nikki says how she was put in handicapped matches all the while Brie was home with her troll husband. Nikki says the Authority has authorized her to announce a handicapped match for Brie tonight.
Eva Marie and Cameron vs Brie Bella
Was this supposed to be a tough match? Well, needless to say Brie mode prevailed with a second roll up fail of the night. First was Miz and now Brie.
Nikki came out on stage and looked pissed as Brie stole Bryan’s yes chant. I get so annoyed by seeing the WWE allow Brie to use the “Yes” chant but it’s very over and they rather keep it going while Daniel is out.
Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil vs Los Matadores
Adam Rose and his Rosebud posse was on commentary. Slater and O’Neil came out with Hornswoggle dressed as a mini-gator. So we have a gator, a bunny, and el Torito around the ring. A match full of craziness. Gator comes in and gets into it with Torito. Slater takes advantage and knocks one of the Matadores off the top rope and grab the tights for a three count. None of this is entertaining for me. Bunny comes in and cleans house and we get this.
The reverend Jesse Jackson in one of his not so fine moments. We go to break and when we come back Rusev and Lana comes out. Big Show interrupted. Rusev threatened to jam his fist down Big Shows throat in the throat to pull out his guts, bite his ear, kick him in the groins, and break every bone in his body. Big Show, I am bored of him. He needs to go away or do something very different. Big Show went to the ring and Rusev got out of dodge.
When we came back from break it’s a Cena promo. Cena tells us how he wants Seth Rollins and how glad he is to be fighting with Ambrose by his side. Ambrose is just hanging out behind Cena and Rene. Cena asks if he wants to add anything. “Not really, no” in a way only Ambrose can make sound funny. They both argue with who gets Rollins first. Ambrose ends by telling Cena, “No one takes food off my plate. Not even you.”
AJ Lee vs Alicia Fox
AJ comes out and then Paige comes out on the stage. A little pause from Paige and the fans start a CM Punk chant. Paige introduces her new best friend Alicia Fox. AJ does a dive to the outside taking out both Alicia and Paige and then gets up to do a little prance.
Paige distracts AJ and Alicia takes advantage and gets the win. Paige and Alicia double team AJ leaving her prone in the ring as Paige poses with the Divas Title.
We get another vignette for Luke Harper. Looks like he’s going to get a nice little push out the singles gate and he’s using the catchphrase, “You’re Doomed”.
Sheamus vs Damien Sandow
Sheamus wins the match with a Brogue Kick. Meh, nothing really happened even with Miz on commentary. He just complained and Sandow was entertaining. Sheamus was Sheamus. I won’t care about him again until he turns.
Hulk Hogan came out next to leg drop breast cancer, presumably one breast at a time. I love seeing Hogan back in WWE especially when I remember how sad it was watching him in TNA, but I hope they can give him more to do that just be a hype/pitch man. Hogan was pushing WWEShop.com to purchase pink merchandise in support of breast cancer awareness. At least we get Hogan peddling for a noble cause with the Susan G Komen Foundation.
John Cena and Dean Ambrose vs Randy Orton and Kane
It was a good match with Ambrose getting a lot of push here but nothing ground breaking. Ambrose had a nice spot jumping through the rope on both sides of the ring. Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds on Orton but Rollins came in and broke up the pin. Cena and Ambrose get a DQ victory. Ambrose and Cena start to get the upper and and then Ambrose and Cena begin to fight with each other for the chance to get at Rollins. Ambrose eventually throws Cena out of the ring to a big pop from the crowd. Ambrose stares down at Cena then turns into an RKO from Orton. Kane takes down Cena and Rollins ends up hitting both Ambrose and Cena each with a Curb Stomp on the briefcase.
The show ended with Orton, Kane and Rollins posing over Cena and Ambrose. The crowd chanted, “Thank you Rollins” for Curb Stomping his face, in case anyone forgot this was Chicago aka anti-Cena country. Actually a really fun way to close out the show. Rollins and Ambrose are going to be crossing each others paths for the next fifteen to twenty years. These guys are definitely the future and with Roman down Ambrose is so money right now. Crowd is definitely behind these two guys right now. Raw had a lot of lulls but ended strongly.