Shaq’s retirement has been hilarious so far.

He should have retired sooner, so more of these stories would have come out about goons, cheating and mischief.  The latest was unearth by Deadspin.

While trying to kick game to a reporter he might have gotten his buddy D Wade in trouble with his lady.

Newsweek/Daily Beast senior writer Allison Samuels was trying to set Shaq up with model Sessilee Lopez, a very attractive young lass. (Lopez is at far left in the photo.) Lopez was 19 at the time. But Diesel wasn’t having any of it:

Shaq: Sesslie aintdat fine whts robins last name

Samuels: You are so wrong! Robinne Lee_she’s on Tyler Perry’s show sometimes. Do you know Lauren London_I don’t_but I know James Lassiter knows how to reach her. You ever dealt with her_is she cool? Sharon Leal??

Robinne Lee, who, yes, is on Tyler Perry’s show sometimes, is second from the right in the above image. Sharon Leal, who has also appeared in several Tyler Perry productions, is at far right. They are both quite fetching, and in a warmer way than Lopez.

But Shaq won’t have any of that, either!

Shaq:Loren is d wade’s girl im not wrong sesslie aint my type u r

Samuels: What about Gabrielle and Dwyane?

Shaq: He gottem all I want u or rihanna

Samuels: Rihanna is too young_19— she is just legal and you know I’m very chatty and you said you didn’t like that!!!!!

Shaq’s spelling in his emails is atrocious. I know I am not the best speller, but sometimes it is hard to keep up with what he is saying.

Unlike Kobe who dry snitched to the police, Shaq’s offense isn’t as bad, but you should never put that type of stuff in writing because it can always come back to haunt you.

Hopefully Wade will just use the Eddie Murphy defense.

WASN’T ME