After a few weeks of so-so shows, Raw brought out the big guns in Brooklyn last night. From a surprise return to a major Hell in a Cell announcement, this was a Raw you did not want to miss. Let’s take a look at what went down.
Rollins Begins to Run Out of Exits
Seth Rollins makes his way out and brags that no one will embarrass him. Despite Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury (the new age Pat Patterson & Gerald Brisco) asking him to leave, Mr. Money in the Bank keeps talking about how he’s a marked man, but he loves it because all eyes are on him.
Cue John Cena rushing the ring for a shot at Rollins, who escapes into the crowd and taunts WWE’s Superman for not being able to catch him. Rollins has made another clean escape, only…
Dean Ambrose is waiting for Rollins in the crowd! The Fringe Lunatic starts beating the holy hell out of Rollins who runs back towards the ring and straight into the arms of Cena. Ambrose being Ambrose, he dives on both men and wants Rollins all to himself before everyone is eventually separated and Rollins escapes. The Authority makes their way out and Triple H announces that Ambrose and Cena will both get an opportunity at Rollins in tonight’s main event, a handicap match pitting the two against Kane, Randy Orton and Mr. Money in the Bank.
Later on, Ambrose makes his way out to the ring and says he doesn’t like Cena getting in his business as we see a video of Cena bailing on Dean during Smackdown’s main event last Friday. Cena makes his way out and says that Ambrose would have done the same thing for a shot at Rollins. Ambrose isn’t amused.
The two banter back and forth before Ambrose gets bored and announces he’s head to Coney Island for a hot dog because he’s hungry. And then he boards a train to do so, seriously.
Triple H taunts Cena for losing his partner. Hunter promises Cena will still get his hands on Rollins though, as the handicap match is now a 3-on-1 in which Rollins has to start the match off against Cena. Triple H tells Cena to never give up, taking a shot at our hero’s favorite catchphrase.
It’s main event time and out comes Cena alone to take on the Authority’s trio. As promised, Rollins starts the match in the middle of the ring… and immediately tags out . Kane comes in but Cena makes sure to hit Rollins on his way out.
This leads to Kane and Orton beating Cena down and getting him ready for Seth Rollins. Mr. Money in the Bank taunts Cena and hits him with a few elbows before hitting a nice neck breaker off the top rope for a near-fall.
Cena makes a comeback because SUPER CENA, and eventually hits a Five Knuckle Shuffle and sets up for the Attitude Adjustment before Kane and Orton run in for the beatdown and cause a DQ.
The Authority trio is now picking Cena apart as Kane hits a chokeslam and Orton calls for an RKO.
But wait, who’s that?
It’s Dean Ambrose with a hot dog cart! Apparently the Lunatic was really just hungry and now he’s back to save Cena. Kane and Orton get close to Ambrose, who has a ketchup and mustard holster and knows how to use it. Seriously.
Ambrose now runs after Rollins and gets in some blows before Cena eventually hits an Attitude Adjustment on Mr. Money in the Bank. This is followed up by a suicide dive from Ambrose and the good guys have the crowd going wild.
Ambrose begins throwing everything in the cart at Rollins including some… innovative use of the hot dog equipment.
Eventually, the Authority makes their way out and says despite Cena and Ambrose being on the same page, they still both want to fight Rollins. So to be fair, Triple H announces that Ambrose and Cena will face off at Hell in a Cell, with the winner getting a shot at Rollins inside the cell later that night. We close with Ambrose surprising Cena with a DDT ala Mick Foley as Raw goes off the air.
Awesome segment.
Seriously, Ambrose is becoming ridiculously over with the crowd. Like Daniel Bryan “YES!” chant over, and his unique approach to every single thing he does is going to carry him a long way. Meaning Cena/Rollins at Hell in a Cell. Sigh.
The Great One Scores One for ‘Murica
Lana makes her way out with the Bulgarian turned Russian Rusev and tells fans to salute Vladimir Putin because it’s his birthday. Lana then cuts a promo on Big Show, who was suspended for pulling down the Russian flag, and Rusev promises to crush him and demands the big man makes his way out.
Great here we go again with this bullsh— OH MY GOD THAT’S THE ROCK’S MUSIC!!!!
And just like that, out comes THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. Rocky cuts a promo on the pair, basically calling Lana a prostitute which doesn’t sit well with Rusev. Despite the Bulgarians threats to crush Rock like he’s Ivan Drago, the Brahma Bull continues to lay into the pair and says fans boo them for a reason.
Rock calls the two some more unsavory names which of course makes Lana mad and Rusev again steps to the People’s Champ. Big mistake rook.
A few of the most electrifying right hands in sports entertainment later, Rusev is tossed out of the ring by the Great One.
Now that was an awesome surprise. Well done WWE. And what a great rub for Rusev to get some screen time with the Rock.
Other Results:
Roman Reigns Promises to Be Back Soon
One of the most hyped segments of this week’s Raw was the interview with recently injured star Roman Reigns. The big man was speaking to the WWE Universe for the first time since having emergency hernia surgery that could sideline him for a couple of months.
Reigns says he’s feeling a lot better and is getting ready to start ramping things back up again. He says that he will be back a lot sooner than fans think, and we can all believe that.
Dolph Ziggler & The Usos defeat Cesaro & Gold/Stardust
So basically WWE wants to save time for more Total Divas segments by combining the tag title feud with the Intercontinental title feud in one massive six-man tag match. Although it did feature this pretty cool spot from the winners.
Expect some variation of this every Raw until Hell in a Cell. #PUSHZIGGLER!
Bo Dallas defeats Mark Henry via countout
Henry is out looking for revenge after last week’s upset, but his attempt to give Bo a World’s Strongest Slam through the announce table backfires as Dallas escapes and makes his way into the ring as Henry is counted out. Henry is definitely about to turn heel, but could Dallas become a lovable underdog in this storyline too? Bo-lieve in that!
BO DALLAS RUNNING GIF
Brie Bella defeats Summer Rae via pinfall
Continuing our trend of Brie Mode winning matches stacked against her, she beats Summer Rae (who somehow outlasted the now MIA Fandango) with one arm tied behind her back because Total Divas.
Jack Swagger defeats Tyson Kidd via submission
Not sure if this means Kidd is back on the main roster or if he’s just getting some NXT spotlight, but he’s back to playing the guy who uses his wife to try and win matches. Oh and he lost by tapping out to a Patriot Lock. Total Divas strikes again.
El Torito defeats Hornswoggle via pinfall
Hornswoggle is still dressed like an alligator, this storyline is focused around a bunny, and a mini-bull got the win. No but seriously, let’s make Ziggler/Cesaro a part of the Usos/Dust Brothers feud to save time.
Paige & Alicia Fox defeat AJ Lee & Emma via pinfall
Paige and Alicia Fox basically won after AJ took her title and bounced because she didn’t want a partner. So umm yeah.
The Miz defeats Sheamus via pinfall
So it looks like Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler will be swapping opponents for their respective titles. After getting a roll-up win over the Celtic Warrior (thanks to a Damien Sandow distraction), Miz seems to be in line for a United States title shot. Great.
