After what was a pretty lackluster Survivor Series, WWE came to us live from Nashville with a Monday Night Raw that we hoped would restore our faith in the company and their creative. We hoped wrong.
Let’s take a look at what went down.
Reigns Unleashed
We kick things off with… THE AUTHORITY! It’s been a while since we’ve said that after typing it every week for what seemed like three straight years.
Stephanie McMahon starts things and off and talks about opportunity and how it’s now passed Roman Reigns by. Triple H talks about the offer he made Reigns and how Roman told him to shove it, and then Speared Trips last night after winning the title. HHH says that cheap shot cost Reigns his title and finishes off his lecture by telling us that life is defined by opportunities that are missed and seized before introducing Sheamus.
Sheamus gets the standard ‘You Look Stupid!’ chant but says he’s the champ so he doesn’t in fact look stupid and HEY LOOK IT’S ROMAN REIGNS!
Reigns congratulates our pale Champion before demanding his rematch tonight before an intense staredown ensues. Steph breaks it up and tells Reigns that he lost his opportunity to ask for favors when he speared Trips so he should get the hell out of the ring. Reigns replies by saying HHH hides behind his wife and OH ANOTHER INTENSE STAREDOWN!
Trips tells Reigns he’ll get his rematch whenever the COO says he gets it and that for damn sure isn’t tonight. The Authority begins to leave when RUSEV CRUSH OUTTA NOWHERE!
Rusev makes his return and immediately kicks Reigns head off. Sheamus follows with a Brogue kick before Trips lets Reigns know his match tonight will be against Rusev.
Main event time and Reigns and Rusev actually a pretty lengthy match that really picked up towards the end. As is often the case between these two, the match featured some pretty stiff shots. Ultimately, Reigns picks up the win when him and Rusev are battling outside and BULLHAMMER OUTTA NOWHERE.
King Barrett shows up out of nowhere and lays Reigns out ringside. Apparently the Authority went out and recruited all the European wrestlers to join them which is… interesting.
All this does is anger Reigns and well, you do not want to anger Reigns.
Roman grabs a chair and goes ballistic on everyone, taking out Rusev…
Then King Barrett…
And finally Sheamus himself….
So yeah like I said, don’t make Roman Reigns angry.
Other Results –
Tag Team Open Challenge Goes Sour – The New Day makes their way out to brighten our lives and this week they have little pink unicorn heads to ride with them. And that’s only the third best part of their look, trailing Big E’s cowboy hat and Kofi’s glorious unicorn haircut.
These guys are gold.
To celebrate their one year anniversary as a tag team, New Day craps on country music and then issues an Open Challenge for their Tag Titles.
The Lucha Dragons make their way out, followed by the Usos and they all agree the match should be a triple threat which, NO. Big E says that their jamboree is ruined and nobody will get a title match. Insert standard tag brawl here as the faces clear the ring of the New Day.
Ambrose & Ziggler Stop the KO Breeze – First and foremost, a Kevin Owens-Tyler Breeze tag team is amazing. Secondly, this match was kind of disappointing for all the talent that it featured. Our finish sees Ambrose hit Breeze with Dirty Deeds for the 1-2-3.
Neville Impresses – We got a pretty quick match between Neville and Mark Henry that might have been the only good part of the entire show. We start things off with Henry tossing Neville around like a rag doll.
Neville somehow survives the World’s Strongest Man and hits the always-beautiful Red Arrow for the 1-2-3 and big win.
The two have a staredown after the match that ends in a handshake and exchanging of mutual respect.
Pass that torch big man.
Charlotte & Paige Battle It Out – Paige got herself a rematch for the Diva’s title on Raw and the match itself was pretty physical just like on Sunday night. Our finish sees Charlotte spear Paige off the apron to the outside and the two Divas beat each other while they are both counted out. After the bell, Paige beats the hell out of Charlotte and locks in the Scorpion Crosslock on the announce table.
Yeah, this feud isn’t ending any time soon.
Wyatts Squash Back – A night after being squashed by Kane and the Undertaer, Bray Wyatt and Luke Harper return the favor against the Dudley Boyz in a match that was there and took up some time.
Push Sasha Banks – We got a pretty good match between Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks that sees Banks use a Team BAD distraction to pick up the win via roll-up. Seriously, Paige and Charlotte are great, but Lynch and Banks NEED more screen time.
Jack Got His Swagger Back – Alebrto Del Rio and Zeb Colter come out to talk about this MexAmerica stuff and then get interrupted by Jack Swagger who calls Zeb a hypocrite before hitting a ‘We the People’ chant to close this super boring segment.
Primetime Gold – Goldust made his Raw return to team with the Primetime Players against Stardust and the Ascension. This match happened and the good guys pick up the win.
Heat Slater Does Things – Heath Slater returned on Raw to sing country, Ryback interrupts ,Slater hits him with the guitar, Ryback doesn’t care and Shell Shocks him. Sigh.