If the first thing that came to your mind when you read this headline was a T-Pain song, raise your hand.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s break down what happened.
When Jeff Banks was an assistant coach with Alabama, he fell in love with a stripper named “Pole Assassin.” She was fairly famous for appearing on the Jerry Springer Show. She got on the show because she used a monkey named “Gia” as part of her pole dancing. After Banks wifed her up, he quit stripping but kept the monkey even after Banks took a job at the University of Texas.
Everything has been going well in their relationship, and it was kept pretty low-key until this happened on Halloween via TMZ Sports.
As if Texas’ football season couldn’t get any worse — a monkey belonging to Longhorns special teams coach Jeff Banks’ GF is being accused of attacking a young trick or treater on Halloween … but the woman says it’s all the kid’s fault.
A report late Monday night claimed the white-faced capuchin “seriously hurt” a boy during Halloween festivities … with the monkey’s jaws having to be “pried” open to free the child.
Pole Assassin gave her side of the story before wiping her social media accounts.
“I had a haunted house on one side gated off/ he had no permission to go past the gate I had no idea he went in my back yard,” Thomas posted on Twitter before scrapping her account.
Thomas also claims she had no idea her monkey bit anyone until a local doctor told her about a “small bite.”
Thomas says the kids were told to turn around when they came to a set of balloons … and an “11/12” year old should be old enough to follow the rules and not venture off in someone’s yard without permission. She even posted a video detailing the kid’s assumed walk to the monkey cage … with a sign that reads “Do Not Enter, emotional support animal, no touching.”
“How could she viciously bite someone if they don’t stick their hand in there where they don’t belong?” Thomas said in the video.
Texas is already having a tough season. This is just adding to the drama.
If you were just here for the monkey stripper Jerry Springer pole dancing videos.
Flip the pages to check them out, and Ms. Assassin explaining herself.