The chances of me writing a Charlotte Bobcats article were about as slim as Shaq staying faithful, but I find this so funny that I have to share it with you.

Apparently there are some issues in the Bobcats locker room.  I know who cares right?  They are the Bobcats.

But someone sent me a link from Detroit4lyfe.com with the following title:

BREAKING: Turmoil in Charlotte Bobcats Locker Room Confirmed By Bobcats’ Jump-Off

So I think to myself:

“Self I know they are not confirming a story with a jump off account?”

But alas they are ,here is the “text conversation” from the story (this is unedited so you can get the full effect of what is going on:

—

Jump-off name has been changed to protect the girl’s identity, but here is the text conversation, just as it was sent back-and-forth in real time:

BUBBA PERKINS: Hey Bobcats Insider, whats the deal with the locker room controversy? Why is it divided? Whats the issue? Do you know anything about this?

JUMP-OFF JESSICA: Whoaaa how do you know about that?!?!

BP: The streets are talking. Why did Gerald [Wallace, Bobcats All-Star Forward] cryptically mention that the locker room was divided?

JOJ: Wellllll I don’t realy know cuz ____ has been gone all week, but…….it has to do wit Flip [Murray, former Bobcats guard who was recently traded]

BP: What about Flip? I’m still pissed they traded him.

JOJ: Me tooooo! He was soooooo funny…. I guess some of the guys were really pissed they dumped him :/

BP: Which players were mad?

JOJ: Gerald, and Stephen. I know I was pissed too cuz he was soooooo hilarious!!!!!!!!!

BP: Why does that make the locker room divided, though? People don’t like Thomas?

JOJ: No, i think peeps were just mad that they dumped Flip. I like DJ [Augustin, Bobcats back-up point guard] and all but Flip was da mayynnnn!!!!

BP: What about the ownership changes? Is that affecting the players?

JOJ: What ownership changes????

BP: Uh… are you kidding? You know, how the Bobcats are about to get a new owner, and it might be Jordan?

JOJ: Ohhhhhhhh bahahahahaha!!!!!!!! No, that’s not even on da plate!!

BP: So this is just over the Flip decision?

JOJ: Yup remember how Flip did the dunk contest with Gerald??? They were real tight and now some guys pissed he’s gone!!!!

BP: Yeah. That’s really enough to cause a rift, though? I mean, trades are part of the game…

JOJ: Flip was the best!!!! He would tip me so well when I brought him drinks he was cooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!

BP: That’s nice. Anything more on the rift in the locker room?

JOJ: Noooooooo I mean they’re playin all sucky too……they need to figure it out!!!!!!!!

BP: That they do. Thanks.

JOJ: Deuces!!! Bahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

——-

Jump off Jessica breaks it down on levels even Hubie Brown would be envious of.  Jump off Jessica speaking on how they are playing “sucky” could have so many meanings, but I will let you break that down for yourself.

At least we know that Flip Murray “tips” well.  I mean Mike Fratello would have never gave that type of in depth information.  I mean did you see her exciting when she heard Michael Jordan might be the new owner?  She didn’t even know that was “not even on da plate!!”.

SMH

In 2010 “Jump Offs” are the “source” for news stories.

Damn you Tiger.