Top 5 Reasons Why Tiger Woods Would Give Elin Nordegren $750 Million

Fellas, Eddie Murphy tried to warn us back in ’87.  Now maybe we weren’t listening because we were too young at the time, or because Eddie had on a purple leather jumpsuit with heels and a scarf, but the point is he warned us.

He told us don’t get married to a woman that doesn’t have anything — especially if you have a lot.

Many men, both stars and McDonald’s guy, did not heed the warning.

Which brings us to Tiger Woods, who is in the final negotiations of his divorce settlement with Elin Nordegren.  Yesterday we reported that Elin was looking at getting $750 million and custody of the kids just to be quiet.

This begs the question, though; who gives up 3/4 of their net worth just to shut someone up?  There has to be some skeletons in Tiger Woods’ closet the size of Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Here are the Top 5 Reasons Tiger may be trying to keep Elin quiet:

1- He “Broke Lamps” with Secretariat.

This has to be the only logical reason, right?  No sane man would give up that much money and custody of his kids unless he was having an affair with some barn animal, right?

2- Elin has some Chris Hanson style footage.

Is it possible one of the “TigerStyle” ladies were of R. Kelly’s liking, or maybe it was a Lawrence Taylor situation that Tiger has swept under the rug?

Chris Hanson

3-  He was spotted with Johnny Gill

I will let you figure that on your own.

4- Elin knows he is really black

They might not let him into next year Masters if this information is made public.

5- Elin found a hidden stash of DMX CDs in a secret room.

What, you didn’t know Tiger was gangsta?

“If you had $5 and someone took $2.50 … you would be mad”

Classic Eddie Murphy

2 thoughts on “Top 5 Reasons Why Tiger Woods Would Give Elin Nordegren $750 Million

  • I Lol'd. The fact of the matter is, Tiger really isn't black in the least bit; a black man would have tried to dig up dirt on her the size of a Motcross Hill, at least to create some type of "hated wife" effect to the public. Instead, Tiger bent over, spread his legs, and got legally raped, with little to no resistance at all, and we're not talking chump change here. 750M$ is seriously enough money to start your own World War, or country. No silence is worth that amount of money, and I'm willing to bet that there was some sort of crime or insanely disgusting act that would shatter his career forever. I doubt it was a crime though, since there is no legal document that can bar someone from speaking on a crime.

    tl;dr – 750M$ Settlement = I just bought my fans back. Hey, Chris Brown bought his fans back by crying on stage during an emotional performance. lol

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