The Official “Fly In” Rules For Athletes (Men) Wanting to Meet Women

Last night, in response to the story about Javale McGee who flew out a woman for a sexual romp, only for it to have disastrous results I gave some rules for women who go out and meet athletes and men in general.

But it wouldn’t be fair to just help out the ladies.

The fellas need some rules as well if they decide to “Fly In” a woman to make sure they don’t end up on Mediatakeout.

This is geared toward athletes, but honestly can be applied to an unemployed guy living in his mom basement.

1-      Do a Carfax on your Lady

If you hire a known thief to work in a bank, whose fault is it when they rob you?  With the Internet and social media there is absolutely no reason you can’t find out vital information on the woman you are thinking about flying in.

With Google, Yahoo, Bing, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, WSHH, MTO, YouTube and so many more resources at your disposal, there is no excuse for you not to know who you are dealing with.

If you see she has exposed someone in the past, get a clue she might expose you.  If she Tweets her life story on Twitter, you might be in the next tweet.

Social media doesn’t necessarily tell you who a person is behind closed doors, but I know with a flat tire I can’t drive and there are a lot of flat tire women out there, so why are you trying to go 90 on the highway with her?

Listen, when you buy a car it might not be perfect, but if the engine is bad I rather know before, as oppose to when I am stranded in Boonville, Mo.

If you know the check engine light is on, let her ride you at your own risk.

2-      Stop lying

People are wired to tell people what they want to hear, especially if they want to have sex. If you have ever watched an episode of Forensic Files they normally catch the criminal when their lies start to stack on top of each other.

While there are some women who are just crazy, normally it takes some sort of trigger to set them off.  One of those triggers is when you get them to care about you and then treat them like trash.

While it might be funny and your boys might think you are the MAN, never underestimate the vindictiveness of a woman.

You might be laughing first, but not last.

It is better to just be blunt.  If you know they are just a smash and dash, just tell them, they are still going to come and you won’t hurt their feelings.

Sidebar for the non-athletes, do not fly any woman in that you want to have sex with, if you haven’t told her you want to have sex.  They are adults, don’t be a punk, man up and say what you want.  Don’t BS them and say you just want to spend time and hang out, because that is exactly what some will do.

You will be out of your paycheck  and they will go back home to the dude they have been having sex with.

Be honest it is ok.

The worst thing they can say is no and then you make the decision how you want to proceed from there.

3-      Set an Agenda

The #1 problem with the Javale McGee situation wasn’t the Chipotle, it was the fact that Ayana assumed that she and Javale would be spending some quality time together.

When I say set an agenda, I mean set the expectation.

If you don’t want to take the girl out, let her know beforehand she will be getting real familiar with her hotel room.

If you have other things to do, let her know in advance. Especially if you are working, training or whatever doing the trip.  If she can’t go you need to let her know.

If you do want to spend time with her, but only doing specific things, let her know.  That way she can never say you led her on.

If Javale told her she wasn’t getting Chipotle from the get go, they wouldn’t be talking on Russ Parr about him not getting her a Burrito.

4-      Condoms are you friend

This is part of the cheating commandants, but should be repeated.

$8 Condoms from Walgreens >>>>25% of your Income for the next 18 years.

Any questions?

I understand, Condoms suck, but……………if you need any motivation to use them take a look at Antonio Cromartie’s baby chart.

5-      LOCK EVERYTHING!! & Sleep with One Eye Open

Lock your phone, lock your laptop, and lock anything that can be locked.  Put valuables in a safe; don’t leave ANYTHING that has too much personal information just lying around.

Don’t be like my friend Sam The African who left his room to get a soda and when he came back his lady was gone.  Only hours later did he realized that $500 was gone as well.

Never ever go to sleep before she does, always let her go to sleep before you and always wake up first.

You are probably wondering why.

Well, if you don’t follow any of the rules I have given you and you fall asleep early there is a chance of this happening.

This is Lakers Devin Ebanks and the woman “sneaking” into the photo is the infamous Miss Hawaii.

The same Miss Hawaii who is actually a prostitute who is on probation for felon robbery (Devin didn’t do the Carfax).  You don’t want photos like this floating around the internet especially if you have a girlfriend, wife or fiancee at the time (Ebanks had a girlfriend who look 70 times better than Miss Hawaii, he doesn’t anymore).

Take a 5 Hour Energy drink and always be aware of your surroundings.

Bonus Rule: Be Nice

There are so many ways to make sure you don’t have a bitter female whose main goal in life to make your life miserable because you treated her like crap on a fly out.

If you know deep down in your heart you can’t deal with this female for more than a day or an hour plan accordingly, but if you do fly someone out for a weekend and you haven’t followed any the rules just try to make the best of it.

Even if she is annoying the hell out of you, grin, bear it and take the L.

At least you got to smash (hopefully) and now you know you will never ever invite her anywhere again.   I know sometimes it can seem cool to be an asshole, but don’t tempt karma, better yet don’t tempt a woman who went through your phone and things while you were sleep and has nothing but time and unlimited internet access on hands.

Women don’t like to feel like a ho even if they are engaging in ho like activities.  Treat them like a ho and they might make you the next contestant on that MediaTakeOut Screen.

Is it really worth it?

Think about it.

5 thoughts on “The Official “Fly In” Rules For Athletes (Men) Wanting to Meet Women

  • OMG!!! Tooo FUNNY!!!!

  • Whatever happened to Sam the African? Wasn’t he the one who got the artillery pregnant

  • Robert, why don’t you advise them to hire a professional??? They can pick and choose who they want, read reviews to see her menu. Spend about the same as a round trip ticket. And never have to worry about 1)diseases most escorts are much more hygienic then some twodel 2) pregnancy condoms are an escorts first, middle, and last name. And 3) getting put on blast. High end escorts don’t kiss and tell and it’s because they want the repeat business. No strings attached, no muss no fuss. No twitter rants, babies, embarrassing blogs.

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