I am going to drop some spoilers, so stop reading if you have already seen the movie. I am not a movie critic, so I don’t do reviews like them, I do them like if we were in the mancave watching the game and I was explaining the movie to you.
Batman v. Superman was like having sex with someone that you don’t like and what I mean by that is you have to sit through a very bad date and conversation to get to what you want.
The first half (probably more like 3/4) of BvS is awful. There is no other way to describe it, from the weirdo dream sequences to the nonsensical (I am pretty sure you can tell when you looking through a CLEAR GLASS WINDOW that it isn’t a bathroom, you are Batman need a better excuse) plots and weirdo bathtub scenes. I can go on and on and trust me it starts right from the beginning.
Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor is more like Mark Zuckerberg on cocaine than the real Lex Luthor. Ironically, the plan that Lex puts in place is brilliant, but would have been better if he wasn’t being portrayed like a White Katt Williams.
This was a simple storyline that was made complex for no reason at all. Superman is an alien who destroyed half a city and there are people who are trying to figure out ways to try to neutralize him in case he goes bad.
The way they tried to introduce Wonder Woman was another thing that made no sense. it would have been better if she just showed up randomly at the end and left all her backstory for her own movie. Her original plan when Batman finds out who she is was to get on a plane, like that was going to change anything that had happened. Also she said she was trying to get a photo from Lex, assuming Lex sees his own research, why would she go to a party that Lex is having if she knows he knows what she looks like? This is what I mean when they just added stuff in there that didn’t need to be.
It was like being on a dinner date with a very attractive woman who is an airhead. Thankfully when you finally got to the bedroom or in this case the end of the movie things get better.
Even though strapped with his own non-sensical stuff & weirdo scenes (see the glass doors bathroom excuse & rocky training montage) Ben Affleck as Batman is the best part of the movie.
It has been very difficult over the years to find an actor who portrays a good Bruce Wayne and a good Batman. Affleck does them both very well. Also, kudos for whoever finally figured out if you are going to have Bruce Wayne have a crazy Batman voice it should be altered with technology. Once all the stupid stuff of the first half of the movie goes away Affleck shines especially in his battle against Superman which is the best part of the movie.
Doomsday looks awful. It reminds me how they sort of just throwed Venom in the end of Spider-Man 3. A villain such as Doomsday, shouldn’t just be something at the end you put in so you can have a big ending, but that is what they did. I won’t give away the big spoiler at the end, because honestly that was the only surprising part of the movie (even if you get the idea it was coming). It is also the only time of the movie the characters seem to be genuine about their feelings and not just brooding around between dumb dream sequences, that for the 100th weren’t needed and were worst part of movie.
Similar to sex with the girl you don’t like, in the end you got sex, so you are happy and some of the other stuff that bugged you at the beginning you can forgive.
If BvS would have been an hour and 45 mins or 2 hour it would have been a lot better movie, by trying to get too deep and too complex it just made a pretty straightforward story convoluted for no reason at all.
Can’t say I am overly confident about a Justice League movie at the moment, I’d be more happy with a solo Affleck Batman movie.
Tell me what you think in the comments.